Ashley Buchanan is out at Kohl’s for “unethical” relationships, but investors are just thrilled he's gone. Depressing? Yes. Surprising? Sadly not.

The Curious Case of the CEO Who Boosted Stock by Getting Fired

In a move that feels like it was scripted by a very jaded screenwriter, Kohl’s announced the abrupt firing of CEO Ashley Buchanan for having inappropriate personal relationships with a vendor. And just like clockwork, the stock jumped around 8%. Because nothing says “corporate governance win” like sacking the boss and watching your market cap smile in return.

It’s the kind of boardroom drama that makes you want to pour a stiff drink and question late-stage capitalism. A man gets ousted for ethical violations, and the first thing Wall Street does is send up fireworks.

Let’s be clear: Buchanan wasn't booted for underperforming. He was canned for a violation of Kohl’s ethics and vendor policies. Today, that kind of thing gets you removed faster than you can say “vendor gift basket.” And yet, investors rejoiced.

Fired for Ethics, Rewarded with Stock Gains

According to CNN, the Kohl’s board made its decision after investigating “personal conduct” that went against internal standards. Not financial misconduct, mind you—just a little old-fashioned corporate entanglement. Unethical behavior, yes. Illegal? No one’s saying that yet. But enough to justify sending Buchanan to the retail version of Siberia.

And then, almost on cue, Kohl’s shares rose nearly 8%.

Let that sink in. Buchanan walks out the door with his reputation in tatters, and the stock charts throw a ticker-tape parade. In an industry where foot traffic is a struggle and Amazon looms like the Death Star—though they’re having their own issues right now—Wall Street apparently thinks any change is good change, even if it’s tied to a scandal.

Was He Really That Bad?

Let’s be fair: Ashley Buchanan didn’t inherit a dream gig. He joined Kohl’s in 2020, fresh off a stint at Walmart, just in time for a global pandemic and the slow, painful unraveling of mid-tier retail. He tried new ideas, pushed into activewear, and forged partnerships with brands like Sephora. But none of it quite landed.

The company’s market share didn’t rebound. Sales stayed lukewarm. The board faced mounting pressure from activist investors. And now it seems those same stakeholders were already halfway to the exit door when the ethics investigation gave them an excuse to slam it shut.

The truth? Wall Street didn’t just fire Buchanan. They ghosted him. The ethics violation might have been the official line, but the subtext was loud and clear: this guy wasn't turning the ship around. Better to cut losses and call it a reboot.

Depressing, Predictable, and Totally On-Brand for Wall Street

What matters is that there’s fresh leadership now—Tom Kingsbury, the former interim CEO, is back at the helm—and the stock is up.

It’s not just Kohl’s. This is the playbook. Bad news hits, and if it means someone who wasn't delivering is out, the markets reward it. There’s no time for moral grappling when there are share prices to inflate. It’s capitalism’s version of “don’t ask, don’t tell”—just show us the numbers.

And if those numbers only turn green when someone gets axed? Even better.

Ethics Are Optional, Performance Is Not

So here we are. Ashley Buchanan is fired. Kohl’s is floating a little higher. And we all get to watch, a little numb, a little entertained. Maybe you feel a pang of sympathy for a man whose personal judgment cost him a top job. Maybe not. But what’s clear is that Wall Street doesn’t care why someone leaves—only that they do, and preferably fast.

In an industry struggling to stay relevant, maybe it’s no surprise that investors don’t have the luxury of worrying about personal misconduct. They want action. They want growth. They want someone to blame. And when the CEO gets tossed for crossing ethical lines, the only response from the market is a slow clap and a buy order.

Nothing to see here, folks. Just another day in the wonderfully detached logic of corporate America. For more, stay tuned to our Trending section.